Things You'll Never Hear Yoda Say...
Size matters not...hey, what are you laughing at?
I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.
Duct Tape...the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!
Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it.
Yeah, well oneness with the universe doesn't put food on the plate, junior.
No...there is another. Let's hope as stupid, she is not.
Yeah yeah. Force this!
No Force? Take this, impudent nonbeliever! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So how did you like the funhouse in the cave, Luke?
Lines You Always Wanted to Hear In a Star Wars Film.. But Never Will!
Han : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault.
Luke: You're kinda cute...can I buy you a drink?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Luke, will you please stop whining?
Darth Vader: This is CNN.
Luke (to Vader) : But what happens if I push this button on your chest that says Off?
or : This button that says Reboot? or : This button that says Light Side?
or : Why do your buttons say Mix, Puree, Blend, etc...?
or : Why do your buttons say Wash, Rinse, Spin Dry, etc...?
Random Imperial Storm trooper: No, I'd rather not. Sir.
Luke: My sister? Oh well, what she doesn't know can't hurt her
Top Ten Failed Force Powers
- Coffee Warming Power: ability to warm a cup of coffee with hands (or other small snack items sorta like a microwave).
- Ability-to-see-sith-coming-out-of-thousand-year-hiding-and-start-taking-over -galaxy-power:
- Ewok-Exploding-Power: deemed too close to the good side/bad side borderline for universal use.
10 Hottest Star Wars Chicks
2.Aunt Beru Lars
Check out that devilish glint in her eye when she says, "Tell Uncle if he gets an interpreter to make sure it speaks Bocce."
Grrrowr!
3.The Woman Who Fires The Ion Cannon
"Stand-by ion control?" More like, "Stand-by for love!"
4.Mon Mothma
She can run our Rebel briefing any time, if you take our meaning. Hoo-ha!
5.Oola, Jabba's Twi'Lek dancing girl
Holy mackeral, what a pair of lekku head tails on this beauty! Wonder if they were implants?
The Top 12 Pick-Up Lines Used by Star Wars Fans
- "Your place or my Mom's?"
10 "I... uh... ummm... I... uh... (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid!"
- "You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend."
- "I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby."
- "If you only knew the power of the Dark Side."
Number 1 Pick-Up Line Used by "Star Wars" Fans...
"I'm gonna be an evil warlord when I grow up. Want a Milk Dud?"
Things Characters Were Probably Thinking
(C-3P0 in ewok village) I think I'll enjoy this god thing a bit longer I can always save my friends
later.
(Chewie while being unhand cuffed by Lando) Thats it. Take off the cuffs. OFF! DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE
(leia during speeder bike chase) Will he shut the Hell up! I know how to drive this damn thing!
Lightsabers -
All right, I'll give you that the lightsaber appears to be a darned fine grunt obliterating weapon. It melts through really thick doors in no time, deflects ranged attacks in a blink of an eye, and just looks really cool. Yup, we have ample evidence that the lightsaber might be the weapon of choice against the high tech cannon fodder of the Empire.
My concern is how well it may fare against a really pointy stick, or axe, or any primitive hand to hand weapon. Now at first thought you would say," That the poor SOB would be killed because the lightsaber attack would just go though anything blocking it." But what happens if a guy swings an axe at the guy with the lightsaber. If he does the classic parry he cuts right through half of the incoming axe, which of course leaves the other half still coming towards our brave hero. The half with the really heavy and sharp weight attached. Hmmmmm This would seem to be a problem.
Now against one guy I'm sure the offense of a lightsaber would do fine but lets say three or four good old boys with pitchforks, hoe's, shovels, and axes don't like this pretty boys leather jacket. This could turn out like the battle between Darth and his boy in the cloud city with all the flying objects hitting the poor kids plenty thick noggin.
Moral of the story: if they come out with really high tech stuff pull out the trusty sword-o-death but if they come out with something that they intend to hit you with use them thar mental powers or just plain old run!!
solon
The TOP 10 Things We Want To Hear Samuel L. Jackson's Character
"Jedi Master Mace Windu" Say in the Star Wars Prequels. (by anonymous)
- You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the
motherfuckin' droids you're looking for.
- Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if
it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.
- This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have
to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room...accept no
substitutes.
- If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I
ain't got no other connections on Tattooine.
- Feel the Force, motherfucker.
5. What ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?
4. You sendin' the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that's all you had to say!
3. Yeah Chewie got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a wookie.
2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?
1. Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says, "Bad Mother Fucker."
Ever wonder if there are others of Yoda's race, and if they speak the same way?
Imagine the yoda-men in the office, around the water cooler.
Yoda 1: Hello, Bill.
Yoda 2: Morning, Hank.
Yoda 1: Finish that proposal, you did?
Yoda 2: Yes, finally. Quite a chore, it was.
Yoda 1: That Henderson, he is a slave driver, eh?
Yoda 2: Yes. To kick his ass I'd like.
Yoda 1: There is no try, only do.
Yoda 2: Asshole he is.
The worst Star Wars toys
1) "Dissect An Ewok Kit" The deal was off when Play‑doh pulled out at the last minute.
2) "Tick‑laden Chewbacca" Concept behind this was that kids would enjoy picking ticks off of a large, furry Chewbacca.
3) Miniture Exploding Death Star Kit (includes 4 M-80s)
4) Darth Vader Funeral Pyre. They couldn't figure out how to make a character who had been 4
inches tall and thin into a character 2.5 inches tall and fat as a slug once you removed his helmet.
5) "Real‑Guts" Tauntaun. Also referred to as "The Visible Tauntaun." Once you pulled off the skin, you could see all the internal organs.
6) "Learn the Force At Home" Kit. Included self‑hypnosis training tapes and rocks to lift. Recalled after thousands of children with no strong parental figure turned to the Dark Side, killing their parents.
7) "Fun Fusion Grenade." Seen in the exciting throneroom scene in Return of the Jedi where a
disguised Leia holds it up to bluff out Jabba the Hutt. Problem was, the kids didn't understand the
concept of a bluff.
8) "Mr. Hutt‑Head." A Mr. Potato Head ripoff which had a Jabba body and a series of switchable heads with the faces of famous fat people. See Rush The Hutt, Willard The Hutt, John Candy The Hutt, etc. Nixed when famous fat people got angry at being identified with Pizza Hutt. (they just didn't get it).
9) Voices of the Dead Headset. The voice of Ben Kenobi gives helpful suggestions through two separate hour long tapes.
10) Talking Stormtroopers. Pull a string on their chest and they would say things like "There's one, set for stun!" or "Look Sir, Droids!" During production the voiceboxes got switched with talking Barbie. The stormtroopers ended up saying things like: "Gosh, math is so hard!" and "Let's Go Shopping!" while Barbie barked out "What do you mean, radiation leak?"
Top Ten Reasons Why the Star Wars Characters Would
Kick Butt in the Star Trek Universe
10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on "stun".
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti‑matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp‑‑ the Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2‑D2 and a Wookie. .
5) One word: lightsabers.
3) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
2) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one‑quarter impulse power. Han Solo
floors it.
Here's the simple steps to find out what your Jedi name would be:
1) Take the first two letters of your last name
2) Add the first two letters of your first name - This is your
first name
3) Take the first two letters of your mother's maiden name
4) Add the first three letters of the town that you were born in -
This is your last name
May the force be with you , from Winji Moalb!