The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult ' (1994)....
Sgt. Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Sgt. Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, just a second, I just had a thought. This show is being seen all over the world. I was thinking, if we could all just send good thoughts, transmit them through these cameras here, to the elected leader of China, Wing wa woo tong, so that they might finally be nice. Thank you.
Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna! I can’t help but think each time I go to the zoo and see those porpises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste that is. Butcher half of them now! That's hundreds of pounds of Dolphin meat that can be fed to our cats, freeing up that tuna for our nations hungry.
Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
Frank Drebin: Uh so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, take those cats, skin them! Use their fur to keep hundreds warm!
The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell Of Fear (1991)....
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of 'Kid Minneapolis'.
Nordberg: I saw 'Kid Minneapolis' fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of 'Kid New York'. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the 'Arizona Assassin'.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer.]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left-handed now.... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
Dr. Mainheimer: It's a terrible thing that has happened here. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: I would like now to introduce a most distinguished gentleman. This week he is being honored for his one 1000th drug dealer killed. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
Lt. Frank Drebin: In all honesty the last two I backed over with my car. Luckily they turned out to be drug dealers.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it . . .
Dirty Harry (1971)....
Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?
Hot Shots! (1991)....
Admiral Benson: Call down to the galley and order up some soup.
Lt. Commander Bloc: Yes, sir.
Admiral Benson: Ahhh... I love soup. At least I think I love soup. Blasted shell! It's either soup or duck. Which one do you shoot?
Lt. Commander Bloc: Duck, sir.
[Admiral Benson hits head on desk while ducking.]
Lt. Commander Bloc: Are you all right, sir?
Admiral Benson: Of course I'm all right! Why, what have you heard?
Admiral Benson: My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians.
Topper Harley: Those are some long legs....
Ramada: I just had them lengthened. Now they go all the way up.
[Admiral Benson comes into the briefing room in riding pants.]
Admiral Benson: Be seated! Ah.... Many of you are wondering what's wrong with my pants; well they started running short on materials right before they got to the knees so don't give me any shit. Ah. I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself, "What I wouldn't give to be 20 years younger — and a woman". You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down on every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life.
Topper Harley: So — I guess you've been with a man before....
Ramada: I'm a virgin. I'm just not very good at it.
Ship Commander: Admiral Benson!
Admiral Benson: Really? That's my name too.
Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)....
Ramada: I had to come. It was a sequel.
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen.]
President Benson: It seems only yesterday that I was strafing so many of your houses. Today I'm asking you not to make such damn good cars.
Topper Harley: These men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them....
President Benson: Cookie?
Colonel: No thank you, sir.
President Benson: Young lady?
Lady: No thank you, sir.
President Benson: No, I was just offering him a young lady.
President Benson: We'll do this the old navy way. First one to die.... loses!
Topper Harley: President Benson.
President Benson: No you're not. I've seen him on TV. An older man, about my height.
Michelle Huddleson: Mr. President, this is Topper Harley.
President Benson: Topper Harley, of course, the son I never had. No wonder I didn't recognize you then.
'The Cincinnati Kid' (1965)....
Cincinnati Kid: You call that an argument?
Slade: No, that's a fact. The argument's leaning over there against the door jamb. [Referring to his muscleman.]
Slade: How the hell did you know I didn't have the king or the ace?
Lancey Howard: I recollect a young man putting the same question to Eddie the Dude. "Son," Eddie told him, "All you paid was the looking price. Lessons are extra."
Airplane! (1980)....
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
Elaine Dickinson: No.
Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Elaine Dickinson: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.
Army of Darkness (1992)
Ash: Now listen up, you primitive screwheads. See this? This... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You *got* that?
Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.
Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.
Arthur: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me.
Ash: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
The Sting (1973)....
Johnny Hooker: He's not as tough as he thinks.
Henry Gondorff: Neither are we.
The Usual Suspects (1995)....
'Verbal' Kint: Keaton once said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.
'Verbal' Kint: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
'Verbal' Kint: How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?
Gladiator
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Phoelix legions, loyal servant of the true emperor Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, I will have my vengeance...in this life or the next.
Snatch
Do you know what nemesis means? It is a righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by an audible count, ME
Tony: You mean Boris the Blade, as in Boris the Bulletdodger?
Avi: How come they call him Boris the Bulletdoger?
Tony: Because he dodges bullets, Avi!
Now it turns out that this guy is a gypsy bare nuckle boxing champion, which makes him harder then a coffin nail.
Tony: What's your name?
Vinny: Shoot him! (Sol goes to pistolwhip Tony but he catches his arm)
Vinny: LET-GO-OF-THE-GUN!
Tony: Your obviously the big dick and the man on either side of you are your balls. You know there are two types of balls. Big, brave balls and little minzy faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words so make them a prayer!
Tony: You're shrinking and so are your balls. You lack vision. Dicks aren't really clever. They smell some pussy and want a piece of the action. You thought you smelled some good old pussy and brought your two little faggot balls along for a good ole time. But your mistaken. There's no pussy here, just a dose that will make you wish you were born a woman. And the fact that your guns say REPLICA and mine says DESERT EAGLE .50 should precipitate your balls into shrinking along with your presence. Now FUCK OFF!! -the movie
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
Fight Club
You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, He never wanted you. In all probability, He hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen. We don't need Him.
I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species.
In the world I see, you're stalking elk through the damp canyon forest,
around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the vines of the Sears Tower.
God damn it, and entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables... slaves with white collars. Advertising has its taste in cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, no purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd be millionaires, movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
You have to Know and not Fear that someday you are going to die. Until you know that and embrace that, you are useless.
I got right in everyone's fragile little face. Yes, these are from fighting. Yes, I am comfortable with that. I am enlightened.
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, (1984)
Perfect Tommy: Pictures don't lie.
Reno: The hell they don't. I met my first wife that way.
President Widmark: [reading] "Declaration of War... the short form."
Mission Control: Buckaroo, The White House wants to know is everything ok with the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should we just go ahead and destroy Russia?
Buckaroo Banzai: Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Mission Control: Which one was yes, go ahead and destroy Russia... or number 2?
Overhead announcement at psychiatric hospital: Lithium is no longer available on credit.
The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, (1990)
Colleen Sutton: Nothing disgusts me. At the age of eleven I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony. Does that excite you?
Ford Fairlane: I don't know, I never met your father.
Jazz: Well, that weekend was a mistake.
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?
Ford Fairlane: Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater: slightly amusing, but mostly painful.
The African Queen, (1951)
Charlie: We can't do that!
Rose: How do you know? You never tried it.
Charlie: Well, yeah, but I never tried shooting myself in the head neither.
Rose Sayer: Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.
Captain of Louisa: By the authority vested in me by Kaiser William II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution.
Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu (2003) (VG)
Sin Tzu: The art of war is deception. First, you must strike when your opponent leasts expects; in a place where he believes he is strong, but is in fact weak; with an army he believes he has already vanquished.
Clayface: Still look like an easy fight, Batman?
Batman: No, just a good one.
Nightwing: Need to remember my training: when you start to feel safe, it's time to worry.
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
Joker: Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around.
Andrea Beaumont: What's that you're practicing?
Bruce Wayne: Jujitsu.
Andrea Beaumont: Gesundheit.... That was a joke.
Arthur Reeves: [on TV] What kind of city are we running when we depend on the support of a potential madman!
[click]
Alfred: Such rot, sir. Why you're the very model of sanity. Oh by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls.
Bruce Wayne: Thank you, Alfred.
Joker: Mi casa nostra es su casa nostra.
[At Andrea's mother's grave]
Andrea Beaumont: So, tell me -- with all that money and power, how come you always look like you want to jump off a cliff?
Bruce Wayne: Why do you care?
Andrea Beaumont: I don't. Mother was asking.
Andrea Beaumont: Hi. Hey, what happened to you? Trip over some loose cash? It's been three days since we met and still no calls. I figured you must be dead or something.
Bruce Wayne: You expect every guy you meet to call you up?
Andrea Beaumont: The ones who are smart enough to dial a phone.
The Batman/Superman Movie, (1998) (TV)
Lois Lane: You lied to me!
Bruce Wayne: Now I never actually said I wasn't Batman.
Terrorist: Let's make an example of this hero... a very tragic example, Miss...?
Lois Lane: Lane.
Terrorist: Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves?
Lois Lane: 'Fraid so.
BASEketball (1998)
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
Joseph R. Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Yeah I could.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: No. Dude, you're a little bitch!
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys, anyway.
Joseph R. Cooper: 'Cause you're a piece of shit.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: I am not a piece of shit!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Yeah, but you're a little bitch.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here!
Joseph R. Cooper: Hey pigfucker, can I call you pigfucker?
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: No, only my friends can call me pigfucker.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: If I make this next shot, you'll have to stop calling me Squeak.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Okay.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Or bitch.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer;Parker, Trey (I): Or bitch.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Okay.
[Squeak throws the ball and misses]
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Tough break, Squeak.
Joseph R. Cooper: Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: I am not going out with his sister!
Joseph R. Cooper: Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Yeah, ya gotta say totally fucked up shit to psych them out.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally fucked up?
Joseph R. Cooper: What is something you really want?
Joey: Chelsea Clinton.
Joseph R. Cooper: That's a tough order, dude.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: You'd have a better shot at Bill.
Coop: I'm not gonna do it, dude, end of story!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude!
Coop: Dude!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude!
Coop: Dude!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude!
[Coop looks shocked]
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: Dude.
Coop: I see your point.
Barb Wire (1996)
[An Asian stripper speaks in French to Barb Wire]
Barb Wire: What did she say?
Stripper: I don't know, she's Chinese.
The Bank Dick, (1940)
Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé: What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me?
Egbert Sousé: [raising his hand in anger] Certainly I love you!
Agatha Sousé: Don't you dare strike that child!
Egbert Sousé: She's not gonna tell ME I don't love her.
Bachelor Party (1984)
Rudy: Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!
Gary: Yeah! Yeah yeah! All the things that make life worth living for!
Rick Gassko: Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to Hell and beyond.
Brad: Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left.
O'Neill: I wish I had someone I could really respect. Hey, look at the cans on that bimbo!
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)
Agent Bork: Chief! Ya know that guy whose camper they were whackin' off in?
Agent Fleming: Bork, you're a federal agent! You represent the United States Government! Never end a sentence with a preposition.
Agent Bork: Oh, uh... Ya know that guy in whose camper they... I... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
[After apprehending Butt-head]
Agent Fleming: Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I'm talking Roto-Rooter! Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth!
Muddy Grimmes: You got any last words before I kill ya?
Butt-head: I got a couple - buttcheeks.
Beavis: Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs.
Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, The (1982)
Miss Mona: You know what burns my ass?
Ed Earl: What?
Miss Mona: A flame about three feet high!
Miss Mona: You know, it's always a business doing pleasure with you, Charlie!
Female Reporter: Governor, what do you think of the, the crisis in the Middle East?
The Governor: I was sayin' just this morning at the weekly prayer breakfast, in this historic capital, that it behooves both the Jews and the Arabs to settle their differences in a Christian manner!
Wag the Dog:
Stanley Motss: The President will be a hero. He brought peace.
Conrad 'Connie' Brean: But there was never a war.
Stanley Motss: All the greater accomplishment.
Conrad 'Connie' Brean: A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
Blind Fury (1989)
Lyle Pike: God damn! There's more holes in that thing than in my daddy's rubber!
Tector Pike: I didn't know Dad wore a rubber!
Bowfinger (1999)
Robert K. Bowfinger: We're finished! It's over between us!
Daisy: But why?
Robert K. Bowfinger: You slept with Jiff.
Daisy: So?
Robert K. Bowfinger: You know, I never thought about it that way.
Daisy: So I'll see you tonight?
Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?
[Interviewing Jiff for the movie]
Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?
Jiff Ramsey: Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.
Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
City Slickers (1991)
Mitch Robbins: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
Curly: The day ain't over yet...
Desperado (1995)
El Mariachi: Bless me, Father, for I have just killed quite a few men.
[El has just walked out of the confessional booth]
Priest: Would you like confession?
El Mariachi: Maybe later, where I'm going I would just have to come straight back.
Fiddler on the Roof (1971)
Tevye: [singing] Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play?
Golde: [singing] I don't remember growing older. When did they?
[to God]
Tevye: I know, I know. We are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?
Lazar Wolf: How is your brother-in-law? In America?
Tevye: Oh, he's doing very well.
Lazar Wolf: Oh, he wrote you?
Tevye: No, not lately.
Lazar Wolf: Then how do you know?
Tevye: If he was doing badly, he would write.
Tevye: [to God] Anyway, Motel and Tzeitel have been married for some time now. They work very hard, and their as poor as squirels in winter. But, they're so happy, they don't know how miserable they are.
Villager: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Tevye: Very good. That way the whole world will be blind and toothless.
Lazar Wolf: How is it going with you, Reb Tevye?
Tevye: How should it go?
Lazar Wolf: You are right.
Tevye: And you?
Lazar Wolf: The same.
Tevye: I'm sorry to hear that.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
[a baseball game is on television]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.
Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.
A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
Wanda: To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it.
Wanda: Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (2003)
Robert McNamara: I'd rather be damned-if-I-don't.
Robert McNamara: If we can't persuade nations with comparable values of the merits of our cause, we'd better reexamine our reasoning.
Robert McNamara: In the end, it was luck. We were *this* close to nuclear war, and luck prevented it.
Robert McNamara: I think the human race needs to think about killing. How much evil must we do in order to do good.
Robert McNamara: Lesson #2: The indefinite combination of human fallibility and nuclear weapons will lead to the destruction of nations.
Robert McNamara: Any military commander who is honest with himself, or with those he is speaking to, will admit that he has made mistakes in the application of military power. He's killed people - unnecessarily. His own troops or other troops. Through mistakes, through errors of judgement. A hundred, or a thousand, or ten thousand, maybe even a hundred thousand. But he hasn't destroyed nations.
Robert McNamara: And the conventional wisdom is: don't make the same mistake twice. Learn from your mistakes. And we all do. Maybe we make the mistake three times, but hopefully not four or five.
Robert McNamara: They'll be no learning period with nuclear weapons. Make one mistake and you're going to destroy nations.
Robert McNamara: LeMay said, "If we lost the war, we'd all have been prosecuted as war criminals". And I think he's right.
Robert McNamara: He, and I'd say I, were behaving as war criminals.
Robert McNamara: LeMay recognised that what he was doing would be thought immoral if his side had lost. But what makes it immoral if you lose, and not immoral if you win?
Foul Play (1978)
Gloria Mundy: Take me home.
Stanley Tibbits: What?
Gloria Mundy: Take me home, please.
Stanley Tibbits: Uh, sure. Um... my place or-or, yours?
Gloria Mundy: Which is closer?
[giving Gloria a rape alarm, a can of MACE and a knuckleduster]
Stella: Take these. Without them, you are a walking light-bulb... waiting to be screwed.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)
Esmond Sr.: Have you got the nerve to tell me you don't want to marry my son for his money?
Lorelei Lee: It's true.
Esmond Sr.: Then what do you want to marry him for?
Lorelei Lee: I want to marry him for YOUR money.
Lorelei Lee: Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?
Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
Adrian Cronauer: Mayday! Mayday! Dragon-Lady with incredible figure at 11 o'clock! Stop the car.
Edward Garlick: I can't do that, sir.
Adrian Cronauer: Aw, Edward, you don't understand. I've been on a small Greek island with a lot of women who look like Zorba, I never thought I'd find women attractive ever again. And now that I do, you won't even turn the car around? Thanks a lot.
Edward Garlick: You have a very important meeting with the top brass...
Adrian Cronauer: -Oh, there she is again! How did she get ahead of us?
Edward Garlick: That's another person, sir.
Adrian Cronauer: She's beautiful and quick. Speed up, check her stamina.
Adrian Cronauer: [impersonating an Intelligence Officer] We've realized that we're having a very difficult time finding the enemy. It isn't easy to find a Vietnamese man named "Charlie." They're all named Nguyen, or Tran, or...
Adrian Cronauer: [as himself] Well, how are you going about it?
Adrian Cronauer: [as Intel Officer] Well, we walk up to someone and say, 'Are you the enemy? And, if they say yes, then we shoot them."
Adrian Cronauer: Goooooooood morning Vietnam! It's 0600 hours. What does the "O" stand for? O my God, it's early!
Heartbreak Ridge (1986)
Highway: The United States' Marines is lookin' for a few good men - you ain't it.
Swede Johanson: Gunny, I'm afraid of heights.
Highway: So am I.
Swede Johanson: You are?
Highway: Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft is not a natural act. So let's do it right, enjoy the view. Come on.
High Fidelity (2000)
Laura: Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm.
Rob: No. I only have a few left, I've been saving them for later.
Laura: Right. It'll have to be sex, then.
Rob: Right. Right.
Rob: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
Laura: [preparing to have sex with Rob in a car] I knew there was a reason I wore a skirt today.
The Hustler (1961)
Bert Gordon: You've the best excuse in the world for losing; no trouble losing when you got a good excuse. Winning. That can be heavy on your back too, like a monkey. You'll drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. One of the best indoor sports, feeling sorry for yourself. A sport enjoyed by all
The In-Laws (1979)
[after a harrowing cab ride]
Vince Ricardo: Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.
[On working for the CIA]
Vince Ricardo: Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program.
Vince Ricardo: You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away.
Jeremiah Johnson (1972)
Jeremiah Johnson: Just where is it I could find bear, beaver, and other critters worth cash money when skinned?
Robidoux: Ride due west as the sun sets. Turn left at the Rocky Mountains.
Jeremiah Johnson: Y'ever get lonesome?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Fer what?
Jeremiah Johnson: Woman?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Full time night woman? I never could find no tracks on a woman's heart. I packed me a squaw for ten year, Pilgrim. Cheyenne, she were, and the meanest bitch that ever balled for beads. I lodge-poled her at Deadwood Creek, and traded her for a Hawken gun. But don't get me wrong; I loves the womens, I surely do. But I swear, a woman's breast is the hardest rock that the Almighty ever made on this earth, and I can find no sign on it.
Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959)
Count Saknussem: I never sleep. I hate those little slices of death.
The Last Unicorn (1982)
The Unicorn: Never run from anyting immortal; it only attracts their attention.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
Dorian Gray: Mina. You're alive.
Mina Harker: It's possible I can't die. Same could be said of you. Let's put it to the test.
Mina Harker: You're a little testy, Mr. Q.
Allan Quatermain: Mrs. Harker, I doubt if you measure danger the way I do.
Mina Harker: And I imagine you with quite the library, Mr. Quatermain. All those books you must have read merely by looking at their covers.
A League of Their Own (1992)
Kid: What's your rush, doll body? What do you say we slip in the back seat, and make a man out of me?
Dottie Hinson: What do you say I smack you around for a while?
Kid: Can't we do both?
Ernie Capadino: Yeah, I'm just going home, grab a shower and shave, give the wife a little pickle-tickle, and I'm on my way.
Jimmy Dugan: All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up. Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, let's play hard, let's play smart, use your heads.
Jimmy Dugan: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?
Evelyn Gardner: Well, I'm a Peach.
Jimmy Dugan: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.
[Evelyn starts to cry]
Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying, there's no crying in baseball. Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? NO. NO. And do you know why?
Evelyn Gardner: No, no, no.
Jimmy Dugan: Because there's no crying in baseball.
Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)
Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent. So shut the fuck up. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya.
The Librarian: Quest for the Spear (2004) (TV)
Flynn Carsen: I just want to get to know the Nicole beneath the surface arrogance. Peel back the layers.
Nicole Noone: What do you think is below the surface arrogance?
Flynn Carsen: More arrogance. And then perhaps a few delicious layers of flaky disdain. All around a creamy sweet center of homicidal rage.
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
Mitch Henessey: [singing] Putting the keys in my left pocket. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Gun in the right-hand side.
Samantha Caine: It makes a bulge, people can see.
Mitch Henessey: Ya want me to stick it in my pants and shoot my damn dick off?
Samantha Caine: Now you're a sharpshooter?
Alley Agent: Good evening, pretty lady. How 'bout some company?
Charlie: No thanks. I'm saving myself 'til I get raped.
Nathan: Alice, please? Your dog, Alice - it and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?
Nathan: Simple: he's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention and I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge, is either gone for good... or there to stay.
Charlie: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?
Mitch Henessey: I took lessons.
Charlie: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Mitch Henessey: I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.
Mitch Henessey: We jumped out of a building.
Nathan: Yes, it was very exciting. Tomorrow we go to the zoo.
unknown man over radio: I'm hurt real bad. I think I'm dying.
Timothy: Continue dying. Out.
The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Calvera: If God hadn't meant for them to be sheared, he wouldn't have made them sheep.
Old Man: They are all farmers. Farmers talk of nothing but fertilizer and women. I've never shared their enthusiasm for fertilizer. As for women, I became indifferent when I was eighty-three.
Village Boy 1: If you get killed, we take the rifle and avenge you.
Village Boy 2: And we see to it there's always fresh flowers on your grave.
O'Reilly: That's a mighty big comfort.
Village Boy 2: I told you he'll appreciate that!
O'Reilly: Well, now don't you kids be too disappointed if your plans don't work out.
Village Boy 1: We won't. If you stay alive, we'll be just as happy.
Village Boy 2: Maybe even happier.
Village Boy 1: Maybe.
[Calvera has just captured the Seven]
Calvera: What I don't understand is why a man like you took the job in the first place, hum? Why, heh?
Chris: I wonder myself.
Calvera: No, come on, tell me why.
Vin: It's like this fellow I knew in El Paso. One day, he just took all his clothes off and jumped in a mess of cactus. I asked him that same question, "Why?"
Calvera: And?
Vin: He said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
[Villagers tell Chris they collected everything of value in their village to hire gunmen]
Chris Adams: I have been paid a lot for my work, but never everything.
________________________________________
Calvera: Now, to business! I could kill you all. You agree?
[Dead silence]
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Sam Spade: Ten thousand? We were talking about a lot more money than this.
Kasper Gutman: Yes, sir, we were, but this is genuine coin of the realm. With a dollar of this, you can buy ten dollars of talk.
Sam Spade: My guess might be excellent or it might be crummy, but Mrs. Spade didn't raise any children dippy enough to make guesses in front of a district attorney, and an assistant district attorney, and a stenographer.
Sam Spade: Here.
[hands him Wilmer's guns]
Sam Spade: You shouldn't let him go around with these on him, he might get himself hurt.
Kasper Gutman: Well, well, what's this?
Sam Spade: A crippled newsie took 'em away from him. I made him give 'em back.
The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)
Lorelei 'Lori': What are you? C.I.A., Mafia?
Wallace: Both.
Meatballs (1979)
Tripper: Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef."
Tripper: But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.
Men in Black (1997)
Jay: Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it.
Kay: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.
Kay: 1500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you "knew" that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow.
Kay: Did he say anything to you?
James Edwards: Yeah, that the world is coming to an end.
Kay: Did he say when?
The Muppet Movie (1979)
Kermit: Where did you learn to drive?
Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.
Statler: I like this movie fine so far.
Waldorf: It hasn't started yet.
Statler: That's what I like about it.
Insolent Waiter: Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.
Rowlf the Dog: "Stay away from women." That's my motto.
Kermit: But I can't.
Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. That's my trouble.
Kermit: [singing] Life's like a movie, write your own ending.
Operation Petticoat (1959)
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: When a girl is under 21 she's protected by law. When she's over 65 she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out.
A Prairie Home Companion (2006)
Lefty: Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken.
The Crimson Pirate (1952)
Burt Lancaster: Why did you bolt your cabin door last night?
Eva Bartok: If you know it was bolted you must have tried it and if you tried it you know why it was bolted.