Rulers were made to be broken. -- Michael Isenberg
"[I hope] my child will be a good catholic like me." ‑ Madonna
"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire. Well ... basically... your house burned even faster." ‑ Anonymous Ex‑Fireman
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it's two hours. That's relativity." ‑ Albert Einstein
"If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue." ‑ "Consumer's Guide", Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy." ‑ Anonymous
"The best work in the world is done by people who's bosses don't know what they're doing." ‑ Anonymous
"Never try and teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig." ‑ Lazerus Long
"I have an inferiority complex, it's just not a very good one." ‑ Anonymous
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." ‑ Charles Schultz
"We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough." ‑Niels Bohr
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
‑ Winston Churchill
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Everytime I leave a man, I keep his house." ‑ Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Love is the most refined form of madness."‑ Alik
"I bought some poison to kill some bugs, when I took off the cap I had to remove a tamper seal... Is this to keep someone from putting something bad in there?" ‑ John Aceti
"Let's do it the hard way, just for kicks." ‑ Anonymous Algebra Teacher
"It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket." ‑ Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all
revenues to go into the state treasury
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women..." ‑ Law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote
"I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot." ‑ Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the
charge that he would personally profit from a bill he had introduced.
"Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos." - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower
"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?" ‑ Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs
"Oh good. Now he'll be bi‑ignorant." ‑ Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish
"Well, there never was a Bible in the room." ‑ Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked about repeatedly lying about the SMU football scandal.
"If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head." - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President George Bush's policies
"I move we recess to go outside and throw up." ‑ Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing
"This is a real competitive business." ‑ A gas station owner, when asked to explain the rapid rise in gasoline prices when Kuwait was invaded
"There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information." ‑ Don Rottenberg
"Which one is that? ... I just voted the way my wife told me to; she knew what it was." ‑ Texas gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams, when asked how he had voted on the only proposition on the Texas ballot
The People have spoken, damn bastards. - line from a politician who was being asked about the election he had lost
QUOTES ON THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE
Carl Zwanzig: "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...."
Douglas Adams: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
Albert Einstein: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Unknown: "Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."
Edward P. Tryon: "In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happens from time to time."
John Andrew Holmes: "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
Max Frisch: "Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it."
Kilgore Trout: "The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
Woody Allen: "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
William J. Broad: "The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing."
Rich Cook: "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot‑proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
Christopher Morley: "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed."
Edward Chilton: "I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge."
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. --Roseanne
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. --George Carlin
"I'm not smart enough to lie" ‑ Ronald Reagan
"Instant gratification takes too long." ‑ Carrie Fisher
All life's answers are on TV. ‑ Bart Simpson
What’s worse than death? Listening to banjo music or maybe being tortured. But then I guess that’s the same thing. (found in the newspaper)
The definition of “burn” as found in the Websters dictionary includes – “to die in the electric chair”
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." Dave Barry
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" Richard Jeni
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." Paul Rodriguez
Piccolo seems about to destroy Goku: Come on, don't you wish you were a villain right now?
Roshi looking over the beaten and unconscious body of Piccolo: You ever notice how they don't look so psychotic when they sleep?
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." --Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery
service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It"Notepads.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for
you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested
in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." --1921
New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." --Response to Arthur Jones, inventorof Nautilus.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marecha Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." --Charles H. Duel
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". --Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted – John Lennon
"I called THEM mad...they called ME mad...and DAMN THEM...they outvoted me." - Nathaniel (just a guy)
Historically we have had smart bombs and dumb bombs. What should a suicide bomber be considered? - Solon
Light a fire for a person and they will be warm all night, set a person on fire and they will be warm for the rest of their life.- Bumper sticker
Would Buddha like Poptarts? Tom Tolbert