Person walks up to a dilapidated building with a sign saying Worlds Greatest Actor.
Walks in.
Customer: Can you help me with a … a problem?
Worker: You need to be more specific. You got a plumbing problem? Termites? I’m not sure what you think I do but the sign outside said Actor. So how can I help you?
Customer: Someone said you could help me.
Worker: Oh a referral. Just once I’d like to be surprised. Alright tell me what’s going on.
Customer: I bought a house. It was a great deal.
Worker: No shit. You know there’s no such thing as a free lunch? There’s a reason it was a great deal.
Customer: We moved in 3 weeks ago and we haven’t slept at all. It’s haunted. And I mean the whole house. The walls are alive. The furniture we brought with us is alive. My great grandma’s china tried to kill us.
Worker: Do you have a garage?
Customer: No.
Worker: Be happy you didn’t have a garage. Cars are one of their favorite toys.
What you have is a demon. Where is this palace of yours?
(find the name of a rich SF neighborhood)
Worker: Well that will be $15000 to get rid of him. Cash preferred.
Customer: That much?
Worker: The loss you’ll take on house in that neighborhood will be far less. Do we have a deal?
Customer: Nods head yes.
Worker: Alright, Got a favorite restaurant nearby?
(names one)
Worker: Got any family?
Customer: My wife.
Worker: Alright, I’ll meet you both there tonight for dinner so we can go over the details.
Customer: Tonight? You don’t even want to come look at the place?
Worker: The less time you have to think about this the better.
At restaurant
Customer: So is there some kind of spell or magic trap? How are we going to get rid of it?
Worker: What you think a demon will suddenly start listening if I say (in a scary voice) “Get out” in Latin? This isn’t Ghostbusters and it’s not the Exorcist. The best way to think of a demon is a world class jerk that’s only source of entertainment is watching how high he can make you jump.
If you want him gone you have to give him something that looks more entertaining than an eternity of scaring you. You need a more attractive victim or an opportunity that promises to make you more miserable.
Customer: So …
Worker: You look like you can be a bit of an asshole. You’re wife to. No offense but you two seem like you’re used to getting what you want right?
(confused looks)
Worker: Alright, if you can just be the worst version of your normal selves this might work. This could get ugly and you have to participate. Are you willing to go all the way to end this?
Customer: I’m not sure.
Worker: Understandable but that’s the only way this works. Bring me home and just treat me horribly. I’m your best friend but treat me like dirt.
Customer: Like what?
Worker: Make me play games I don’t want to. Ask me for help with something, give me a bunch of work and then leave to watch TV. Be sarcastic. Be condescending. We’re going to do this all night if need be. When I think I’ve been beaten down enough then we’ll get into the rough sex.
Customer: What!?!
Worker: You want it gone or not? This is your out. If you want to live with it this is your only chance to back out.
(neither leave)
Worker: Now be abusive. If we set it up right he’s going to take this as the best opportunity to take you down a notch. That’s when we get him. I’ll do all the work after that. Now I’ve got some accessories here you can use unless you’ve got your own stuff? You don’t have to answer that.
Need a scene where they are horrible hosts to their guest.
Write a scene with the hosts being sexually abusive. During which the Actor gets taken over by the demon. Skin and looks visually change.
Demons voice: You like it rough? Lets see how you like this.
Starts to grab for one of the hosts:
Worker: No I don’t think so.
Internal struggle is evident. Actor slowly wins control. Begins to peel off exotic sex gear.
Customer: Now what?
(demon pushes out for through his skin)
Worker: Well, I’ve got a rough day ahead of me. See there’s only one way to get rid of a demon and that’s through the ass. Luckily the latest Scientific American just arrived.
Customer: You know you’re not the Worlds Greatest Actor?
Worker: Oh you don't think so? I bet you can't tell that with every word I say a demon trying to claw it’s way out of me to rip your throat out. I’d best be getting along.