While both of us were writing papers at 4 am, Thursday night, Fred and Aaron
got engrossed in a game of "Swarthmore: The Gathering". For those unfamiliar
with the game, we thought we'd share some of the details for your amusement and
disgust.
There are five colors of Manic in the game:
Garnet Manic - Colors of Admissions Offices, Deans, and Alumni Organisations
Green Manic - Color of Tuition, Tarble Credit, and the Economics Department
Bluedini Manic - Color of Liquid Amusement and Inspiration
Black Manic - Color of Stress and Angst
White Manic - Color of Ice Cream and Mail From Home (very rare)
Each player purchases their own deck, which, including Booster Packs, can cost
upwards of $25,000 (not unlike a similar game). It is of indeterminate length,
lasting 4, 5, or even 6 years. The players take turns, drawing a card from
their deck, registering their opponents for classes, extracurricular
activites, and other similar atrocities. The first player with 20 insanity
points transfers to Arkham Community College.
Here is a sample game:
A: I'll draw a card, and play Library of Lang, then tap it for a Black Manic,
and register you for ENGL 666, "Discourses on Postmodern Discourses". Your
turn.
F: Ooh, rough start. I'll draw a card, and play Admissions Office and summon
a spec - remember, you can't kill him or the Admissions staff attacks you.
A: Grr. Time for a paper - I play Olde Club for Bluedini Manic, and assign you
200 pages of Foucault - that's one 1 insanity point per turn.
F: Ouch. I'll play the Multicultural Land and tap it to smite you with
"Conversational Sanskrit" class. Meanwhile, the spec will attend my English
class for me.
A: Fine - here's a Ten-Page Paper for you, plus I inflict Addictive Computer
Game on you, to double the insanity cost.
F: Ok, take Fourty-Minute Verbal Presentation, and then add Network Connection,
so you take the same effects from the Addictive Computer Game as I do.
A: I cast Flooded Basement on Parrish, to bring the Network down.
F: I summon Drunken Physical Plant Repair Team to do 2 points of Structural
Damage to your dorm room.
A: I summon Wall of Construction to prevent the Repair Team from Damaging the
dorm.
F: I cast a Pizza Delivery spell on the Repair Team - they can get anywhere on
campus!
A: Aha - but with the Alfredo's Enchantment, it will take four turns for them
to take effect. I play Computer Lab for Black Manic and assign you a
Ten-Page Paper, and with the Immanuel Kant modifier, that's 5 insanity
points.
F: Hmm.. about time for a Care Package, for 3 insanity points. I tap all of my
Manic and hit you with Forgotten Exam for 5 more points, unless you have a
cram card.
A: I'll cast Early Morning Time Change on your English class and Hate Speech
Incident, so you can't bring out any new assignments this turn.
F: I'll use Sharples against you and hit you with a Lentil Loaf!
A: I cast Tarble Credit to cancel the Lentil Loaf and cast Lithium and Study
Break for 5 insanity points for myself.
F: I Summon US News & World Report article to cause two points of inferiority
complex.
[...]
A: I appear to have 666 insanity points, so I Summon Cthulhu and the world is
overcome by the forces of evil, thus illustrating the point that no one wins
at a game of Swarthmore.
Fred & Aaron
"We lose sleep over it so you don't have to!"